and now a word from E.E. (coupled with more talks of disparity and clarity so it's pretty good)

Please bear with me as I complain about my progressing mental process and try to take the journey with me, as I know on the surface it may appear that I drift. I've been thinking a lot lately (which can be dangerous, ask pretty much anyone) about my future and how obtainable it feels, while concurrently feeling that I'm never going to get there. My goal is to teach literature at the college level, which I am fairly confidant that I am capable of doing; my struggle is time. I checked my course requirements for transfer and I'm not four classes away, I'm eight: which isn't a terrible stretch (well it's twice the original number but still) but that eight classes is in addition to the remaining (approximately) 20 classes I have to take before I'll even have my bachelor's degree. At that point, hopefully I can get picked up by a school to teach freshman comp while I get my master's and then I can teach for real. Ideally, this will take about 3-4 years and I'll be able to stay in the area, preferably at Wright State (not going to lie, my heart wants Miami but it's an awfully long drive to Oxford from Huber). But there are no guarantees, no certainties that I am doing the right thing with my time, money, and life.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” 

― E.E. Cummings

thank you, E.E. for always having an appropriate sentiment for my trials and tribulations. I was surprised to see his name absent from the American Lit 2 syllabus, but understandably as every person has specific preferences when it comes to authors and poets I won't always have the opportunity to always focus on my preferred works. To be honest, the following is probably one of my favorite poems (and happens to be an E.E. Cummings work!)

she being Brand

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff I was
careful of her and (having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch (and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell) next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg.       ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightning) just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

                              (it
was the first ride and believe I we was
happy to see how nice and acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens I slammed on
the

internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
breaks Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)

I laughed all the way through this poem the first time I read it, and still laugh as I read it now. I adore everything about it- the structure, word choices, double entendre, the whole nine yards. For anyone whom is unfamiliar with E.E. Cummings, please check out his work. It's fantastic. 

The point I am trying to reach is that no matter the seeming set-backs and slip ups, there is always a silver lining to everything. I may be 30 by the time I am out of school, but the point is that I'll be doing something that I love so what does it matter how long it's going to take to get there? I'll be getting paid to read and talk about books with people. How awesome is that? not to mention that I can decide (within the guidelines obviously) what we do in the classes I teach. I've had so many influential professors (and teachers before college) that inspired me and made me think that I cannot wait for the opportunity to (hopefully) inspire others and make them think. 

an extensive recap of the preceding three days

to begin, happy belated St. Patrick's Day- the annual celebration of my favorite color and an excuse for the general public to drink on a Monday before noon and not be judged too harshly. this particular year however, I became an auntie again! Abel Jay was born at 7:33 am 7lbs 8 oz <3

from there, my husband and I took advantage of our rare day off together and had lunch, shopped unsuccessfully for a new shower curtain (if he'd just accept that what I like is the best choice for the bathroom, we'd have a new curtain.....), and began "spring cleaning" that morphed into "let's remodel the kitchen!" We pried the paneling off the wall and spent some quality bonding time demolishing our home. 

after a field trip to Home Depot for paint and other supplies, we got to watch Frozen (because Disney Movie Club membership has perks like getting a movie the day before it comes out since it was pre-ordered in January) and have some family time with Dallas <3

Throw in a few other events, such as me submitting sculptures into my first college level art show, laundry, work, a doctor visit (this time for Rob), and we've arrived at the present. Thanks to medical issues and resulting doctor appointments, I missed the last two classes and so therefore had an intense apprehension of approaching James Watson and his Double Helix. I detest science in a manner that I cannot adequately express with academic language so we'll leave it at science is an unwelcome subject. I read the posted literature and watched the accompanying videos, and still did not feel confident. However when I began reading, he wasn't as terrible as I'd anticipated (luckily). The scientific terminology was exhausting, but manageable. I particularly enjoyed naming my two assigned chapters (chapters 5 and 11) but was not a fan of seeking out allusions. I fear that I may have taken too much "common knowledge" for granted- it's difficult to gauge whether or not someone else's understanding is equal to my own when it comes to wording, but what's done is done (thanks Macbeth). I named chapter 5 "The Journey to the Beginning" and chapter 11 "The Art of Disproving" (a clever nod to Elizabeth Bishop in my book) and found 3 allusions to each respective chapter. Here's to hoping my group members have similar titles and allusions!

Ohio is for snowbirds

I am disgustingly tired of Ohio's swing state status- yesterday had the most beautiful weather of the year and today it's this:

and getting colder by the minute. ridiculous. i feel like the snow man from Wallace Stevens. and I "have been cold a long time" O_o can we just get through the winter already? I am not a fan of hot weather but at this point I am so sick of the snow and slush and crap that I am ready.  I am ready for drive ins and cookouts. I am ready to see spring flowers and green grass. I am ready to see leaves waving on trees and most of all I am ready to wear my flip flops everyday.