simultaneous conflict and clarity

I selected a poem by Emily Dickenson to memorize and recite for the Unpack a Poem project that will be due after spring break. My dilemma is that while I discovered I personally relate to the poem "The Bible is an antique Volume" I hate memorization and reciting things to a group of people. Here's the entire piece (which for full effect would require reciting)

The Bible is an antique Volume-

Written by faded Men

At the suggestion of Holy Spectres-

Subjects- Bethlehem-

Eden- the ancient Homestead-

Satan- the Brigadier-

Judas- the Great Defaulter-

David- the Troubadour-

Sin- a distinguished Precipice

Other must resist-

Boys that "believe" are very lonesome-

Other Boys are "lost"-

Had but the Tale a warbling Teller-

All the Boys would come-

Orpheu's Sermon captivated-

It did not condemn-

poem credit Norton Anthology of American Literature

I selected this because I feel Dickenson is creating a commentary of modern (and this was penned in 1882) religion and their hypocritical actions. The contents were relevant at the time it was written and should be taken with a grain of salt, not exploited to suit the desires of whomever is in power at the given time. My husband and I have conflicts concerning this, as he was raised devoutly Pentacostal and while I was raised Catholic, not strictly, and have always been more Spiritual; his opinions are "it says in the Bible" and he's not alone, there are many a "Christian" whom spout the same lines of divine inspiration in concern with a book. My argument is with the selectiveness that everyone seems to participate in- for example, "Christians" say that homosexuals are against God becasue the Bible says so. However, the Bible also says that should a woman not be a virgin on her wedding night that she is to be stoned. It also has multiple instances of polygamy. And what about how suddenly in the New Testament God decides he's through with being vengeful? All of these points are not made to spark a religious debate (just in case that is to inevitably happen) it is to make a point that there is no perfect guide that has the answers to everything, and it, as with everything else on this planet, is imperfect because it was made by man, and faded ones at that.

upon this Groundhog's day an epiphany has been discovered

So there's been a lot of struggle in my brain lately and when laying in bed this morning it settled in a manner that is explainable in words. At this moment, I am 26 years old. I am married, have a 4 year old dog, a mortgage, and a decent paying job with good health insurance. I am in college trying to become a literature professor, and that is a slow process. I'm often discouraged and debate giving up, as this path is going to take several years at minimum to complete. My biological clock is going TICK-EFFING-TOCK, more so now than ever, especially that it seems like EVERYONE around me is having children. I worry that I am making a mistake in waiting to have a family- my brother, sister, and I were the youngest of the family; our cousins were at least ten to twenty years older than we were. I want my children to grow up with their cousins and with our friend's children. But I also want to be through school and out of my current job before trying to juggle kids. In a quip, I want my cake and to eat it, too. At this point, I start to think of regrets I have about choices I've made concerning my delay in return to college and about prioritizing my career path over a family. My husband, ever the realist, points out the practicality of my decisions and will tell me outright that I want kids just because everyone else is having them. There is some truth in what he says, but I can't make an unbiased argument one way or the other. Living in my pity party brought to mind a poem that helps soothe my torn soul.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Poem Credit http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html

I know in my heart that the choices I am making now are only going to help me and my family. Being able to provide the things I want to for my kids, giving them opportunities I didn't have because of finances will be worth it. With every choice there is a sacrifice one way or another. I can't have it all right now, the world just doesn't work that way. I am thankful for the good things in my life: my husband, my family, my home, my job, my ability to recognize everything I'm blessed with. This may not be a strictly academic post, but the tie to Frost felt appropriate for it.